meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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