The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
