The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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