farters have to be the big spoon...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
