you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
