As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
