In the future we'll all be gay
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
