filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
