You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
