Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
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I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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