There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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