Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
