she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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