Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
