I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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