you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
