Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
