The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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