I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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