I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
