dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
