yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sponge bath it is.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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