this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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