I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
