If i come over, it means nothing
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
