No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
