Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
