I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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