i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
