new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
