It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
