Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
