I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
