Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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