He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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