Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
