Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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