dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
