i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
