Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
