All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
