for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
