Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
