i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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