I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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