i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
