i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
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We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
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You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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