I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
