woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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