it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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