Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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