i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
