While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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