Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i just had sex bonerless
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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