im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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