I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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