I was born with a shot glass in my hand
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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