He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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