i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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