I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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