I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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