Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
