If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
