I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
