I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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