He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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