Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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