Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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