I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
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Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
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I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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