i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
