We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
