3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
50% drunk capacity currently
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
