do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
