I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
