Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
