JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
